I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
