he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
