to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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