What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
