I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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