I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
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