Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
sarcasm needs its own font
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
