no, he came in my armpit
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
