So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
