So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
