You're so nebulous sometimes
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
