I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
