My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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