His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
