On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Randomize
