I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
