allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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