last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
