grandma shit on top of the toilet
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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