i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
