Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
