She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
