so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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