i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
