i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
