Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
