2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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