This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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