He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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