oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
