I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
