tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
