you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
