I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize