I'm lost and stupid without you.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
pray to the hookup gods
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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