Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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