These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
