He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
two words: eviction party
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
did i just pee glitter
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
