I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
