Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
