yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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