'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
