Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
