I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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