next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
