you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
