This is not my ceiling
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
