i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
