Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
