I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize