also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
