Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
