After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
