you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
