i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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