I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
