After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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