this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
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I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
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Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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