Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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