So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
