i think i have herpe
just one?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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