I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
