This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
