We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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