so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
