Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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