also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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