I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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