drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
